Heart Talk (Part 2 of 4)

Why is it hard (impossible in our own strength) to control what we say, and why can what we say open our hearts to being hurt?  Do our tongues really have minds of their own and rebel against us, like James 3 seemingly describes?  The problem is not that our mouth acts against our will, but that our words reveal what is truly on our hearts.  Sure you can fake it for a while and in certain settings, but sooner or later your mouth will expose your true self to people who really know you.  If your heart is filled with truth, that will overflow through your mouth, and the same is true if it is full of lies and evil.  Take a look at the following verses that speak to this connection between our heart and mouth.

Matthew 12:34    Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Matthew 15:18    But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.

Luke 6:45    A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

That’s simple enough; all we need to do to speak good words is to have a good heart.  Man, does that open a can of worms or what?  In case some of you are thinking that your hearts are pretty good, here are a few verses to look at that.  Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” and in Matthew 15:19, Jesus says, “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”  We are all born with sin in our hearts, and some of it remains in everyone, even if it’s lurking in some hidden corner they never think about.  Most of us don’t need to look hard for problems in our hearts though, since we have plenty of them we are well aware of.

So what’s a fella to do if we all have darkness in our hearts, which will in turn escape from our mouths?  You could try to pretend it’s not there and fill your mind with entertainment and distractions, but that might not end well since ignoring a major problem very rarely fixes it.  God is the source and embodiment of all truth, love, goodness, and light, and we must turn to Him if we want to be filled with these things. 

Jesus came to earth to both proclaim and live out God’s message to us, and He is the centerpiece of history.  The Old Testament pointed to Him, and the New Testament tells us how He lived and how to follow Him.  In John 15:5, Jesus declares, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.”  Just as a branch needs to be connected to a plant for it to live, grow, and produce, we need to look to Jesus and let Him be the foundation for our lives in order to be productive and healthy.  As we connect with Him, we will naturally grow and develop spiritually, and our hearts will take on his character.  Other metaphors about Jesus and what He provides are that He is light, so He drives out all darkness (John 8:12 & I John 1:5).  He gives us with living water, and He is necessary for spiritual life (John 4 and John 7:38).  And His blood redeems us and gives us life as well (John 6).  If we don’t accept these things from Him, our spiritual lives look something like the rotting skeletons in Pirates of the Caribbean.  Ewww!

So how do we make Jesus a part of our life and let him bring rejuvenation and goodness to our hearts and souls?  There are many ways since He is so multi-faceted and present everywhere (if you’re thinking I could have said omnipresent, I’m trying to keep churchy words out of this blog so anyone can read it and not feel like it’s in a foreign language), but let’s just mention the two most effective ways for now.  First, we need to be reading the Bible, so we can learn about Him and model our lives after His.  John 17:7 says, “Sanctify them by your truth.  Your word is truth.”  If you haven’t read much of it before, I’d recommend starting in John and reading a chapter a day (and don’t worry if you don’t get to it every day at first).  I read a couple pages in the New Testament and a couple in the Old as well as a Proverb and a devotional pretty much every day, but that would be a lot to start with.  It’s kinda like training for a marathon or getting in shape, where it’s better to start slowly and build up over time than to start really hard and give up a week later.  Reading the Bible gets easier as God begins to speak to you more through it, your ability to understand increases, and your your desire to read naturally grows as you develop a habitat and start to see benefits and changes.  Second, we need to spend time in prayer asking God to speak to, lead, guide, and teach us.  Like any relationship, we need to invest significant time in it if we value it and want it to grow and affect our hearts.  Pastor Steve once said that you can be as close to God as you want to be, but most of us unfortunately don’t live in the reality that the God of the universe wants to be friends with us. 

Lastly, there is a connection between how you spend your money and where your heart is at.  Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  I won’t get into this any deeper right now, since I’ll write another time on what the Bible says about money.  Sneak preview:  If you’re an American, chances are you spend too much on yourself and don’t do enough to help the poor.  But this is again a heart matter, so focus on aligning your heart with God’s and your spending desires will fall in line down the road.

I promise, next post I’ll get to applying the stuff from the first two posts practically in our lives, and tell some shark stories J

Note:  A great resource to use for study is www.blueletterbible.org, since it can do keyword searches and shows everywhere a word or set of words shows up in the Bible.  Check it out and use it if you want to delve deeper into a particular topic.

P.S. The Bible is the foundation for these posts.  If you’re reading this and have questions about the Bible’s validity as God’s instructions for life, what makes it different than any other religious text, or any other questions, please let me know and I’ll do my best to help you find answers.

Controlling the tongue (Part 1 of 4)

A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.

In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.

Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.

The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

What exactly are these verses in Proverbs talking about?  When do we expose to others what is on our hearts, and when do we hold back?  In this age of facebook and other social media, it is extremely easy to get carried away and share your feelings with the world at large.  It is very tempting because we were created to crave connection with others, and it feels good to share what is important to us or what is on our minds at the moment, and get validation from others.  But is this always healthy or wise?  When and how much should we share, and with whom?  What sort of boundaries should we set, and who can we really trust?  How much of our feelings should you share with someone we like?  Many of us wrestle with these questions and have shared too much in the past, or we may be afraid and hold back when we should speak.  Let’s sort through what the Bible has to say on the subject.

From the verses above, it is clear that we shouldn’t just spout off everything that pops into our brains.  Instead, it paints a picture of a wise man considering his thoughts and speaking at the right time and in the right way.  Words have the power to build up as well as destroy others.  Read James 3 for more on our words.  James 3:8 says, “No man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”  But with God all things are possible, including taming the tongue.  So what are some of the benefits of learning to control the tongue?

First, putting a delay between our brain and mouth allows God to guide us and gives us time to process and collect more information and make better decisions.  Sometimes, we have such a small part of the picture that there’s no way we can figure out what’s going on.  It’s better to wait, pray, and watch things develop than to speak out of ignorance.  Mary was a good example of this when it mentions numerous times that she pondered events that took place in Jesus’ boyhood in her heart.  Note that it doesn’t say she went squawking to all the village gossips to figure out the situation.  Many times counsel from a trusted confidant can be helpful, but sometimes God leads us down a unique and lonely path that only we can walk and others won’t understand.  Even if He only shows you the next step to take, trust that He is leading you to a good place and will supply your every need.

The second benefit of being slow to speak and careful about what we say is that it can prevent us from hurting others.  It is easy to exaggerate circumstances in our minds and overreact in the heat of the moment.  We can then lash out and cause extensive damage.  This is especially true with the people we are closest with, since we know their vulnerabilities and target those areas, leading to a fight that escalates out of control (read The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley to learn more about this, as well as steps to break the cycle).  Part of this problem can be solved if you place more value on your most important relationships.  It’s sad that many people who would never allow themselves to lose control in a work environment routinely go berserk at home and think it’s no big deal.  Shouldn’t we give our best to our families?  Of course, that’s easy for me to say, since I don’t have a family to come home to yet.  Nonetheless, it’s true that your family will be much better off if you view them as your most important client and employ your best servant leadership to guide them, rather than just viewing home as a place to be lazy and superficial.

The last benefit of controlling the tongue I’ll mention now is that it can protect you as well.  When you share your thoughts and feelings with others, it gives them a certain amount of power over you.  This power is commensurate with how deep or important the feeling was that you shared.  For example, what you ate for breakfast today probably isn’t core to who you are, so it wouldn’t be a big deal to share that with everyone.  But things that go a bit deeper make you more vulnerable, so it’s wise to use caution with who you open yourself up to.  I’ll discuss this more in a future blog.

So why do words have this power to hurt?  Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, right?  We all know that’s not true.  The answer lies in the innate connection between our mouths and hearts.  I’ll explore this more in the next blog, then get to how we can apply what the Bible says (complete with examples from kayak shark fishing).